just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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