erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's never too late to be topless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
