Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
