and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
