i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
