I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
