She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
