I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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