Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone came in the potted fern
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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