Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
