I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize