wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
