As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
