but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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