i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
