And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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