1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize