Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
