I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
