that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
