my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize