there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
