she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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