At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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