that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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