Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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