well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
