It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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