Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
