Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Edward fifth and chaser hands
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
