I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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