so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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