He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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