fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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