I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize