so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
