sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
