I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize