i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
