what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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