Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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