I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
