Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
