Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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