I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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