Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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