We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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