there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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