he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
