3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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