I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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