Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
