When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
