I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
