would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
