Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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