they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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