she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
