Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
