My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
