We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
