I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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