Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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