I smell stomach acid.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
