it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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