I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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