what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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