Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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