We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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