your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
