Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
