Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
