I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
