hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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