She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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