Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
