i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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