wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize