Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
