if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize