Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
