she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
