dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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