I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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