Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
