it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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